Aiden, my son, just ran past the door to my office. He doesn’t seem to like to walk or sit much anymore. He has so much to do, so much to see and so much for him to experience. It’s very difficult to watch him grow, almost, right before my eyes. It seems like only yesterday he was born, and now he is three days short of being 16 months old! I still remember the day I found out Kim was pregnant. The next 39 weeks while she was pregnant were pretty much a blur, and then before I knew it Kim and I were in the hospital holding him. That was the day I learned that a person can experience pure fear, complete excitement and self doubt can all happen at the same time.
That morning I remember waking up at 5:00 am to make sure Kim and I made it to the hospital on time. Kim’s dad was already awake, as he usually was, making Kim’s favorite breakfast item, french toast with cheese melted in the center. After eating a little breakfast and taking a few last “pregnant pictures”, Kim and I got into the car and headed to the Boise St. Luke’s for the arrival of our new baby. On the way to the hospital Kim and I made small talk, but in reality I was nervous about what was coming. I never was one to tolerate any bodily fluids; even having my blood taken causes me to get lightheaded, and I knew at some point in the day I would have to face that problem.
Once we arrived at the hospital we settled in for what we thought was going to be a long day of hurry up and wait. Kim was induced shortly before 8:00 am, and so it began. I was calm at this point, anxious but not worried. For the first couple hours it was pretty simple. Kim walked, sat, agonized in bed, rocked in the rocking chair, or enjoyed the deep “wonderful” Jacuzzi tub. Every so often our nurse, Karen, would come and check to see how things were progressing. It is really difficult to watch a loved one in so much pain, but willing to go through it for something this exciting. We were now well on our way to a new life as a family.
Shortly after 9:00 am, I realized there was a very important piece of electronic equipment missing. I had forgotten the little piece that attaches the camcorder to the tripod. I knew without that I would get very little on video. I was so preoccupied with making sure we were on time that I neglected to check the camcorder bag. Kim and I really wanted to get as much on video as possible. I had bought this camcorder less than a month before specifically for the birth. Without this piece it meant I was going to have to hold the camera instead of setting it up on the tripod. As the appointed “Labor Coach” I was going to need both hands free just in case. Luckily Kim’s family was still at the house. A quick call later I was relieved to know that Bob, Kim’s dad, would try to locate the piece and bring it with them. Kim’s family arrived about 9:45 or so, without the missing camcorder piece. It was nowhere to be found.
At about 10:00am Kim was pretty well finished with the whole natural childbirth thing and asked Karen for the wonderfully available epidural. After approval from Debbie, Kim’s doctor, we found that Kim was fourth in line for the epidural. At this point my wife was absolutely miserable and almost in tears, but the nurse anesthetist was thankfully going to place the epidural line and give a shot of pain reliever to everyone and then go back through the line to actually start the epidural infusion for everyone. During this point I got to witness what would turn into one of the greatest things that day, the epidural. Kim was so ready for the placement of the line that she told Mark, our Nurse Anesthetist, that he didn’t need to tell Kim the little speech that the patient usually gets. After all, Kim had heard that speech many times before. So Kim assumed the “fetal” position, which is extremely difficult for any fully pregnant woman (according to my wife), and Mark went to work. Unfortunately while the epidural itself would be a great relief, Kim was having a hard time during the placement. Kim was starting to feel sick to her stomach. Kim knew if she moved with the needle still in her back there could be problems but she didn’t have much choice. Literally less than three seconds after Mark was done, Kim had to give in to her body. At this point Kim proceeded to vomit, and I was there to hold the basin and keep her hair and epidural line out of the basin. After I received a quick scolding from Mark for touching the line, to which Kim and I explained why I had to touch it, he apologized. This was my first encounter with one of the things I normally cannot physically tolerate, but at this point I was more concerned with Kim’s condition that it must not have mattered. To this day I still can’t tell you what I was thinking at that moment. I knew I needed to help hold the basin for Kim, and gave no thought to my own weakness. I had made it through something that normally would have sent my stomach over the edge without even batting an eye. Mark then gave the one time shot of pain medication to tide Kim over until he could return in a few minutes. That helped a take some of the edge off, but not completely. After about fifteen minutes Mark came back and started the epidural drip. Once the epidural started to take effect it was like watching my wife return from Grouch Land. Not that I have any room to talk, thankfully I can never go through what she did. At this point I was now able to stop worrying about my wife’s unhappy state of being, and go back to the excited soon-to-be-father role I was there to play. As the spouse of a labor and delivery nurse, I didn’t really need to be a labor coach since many of her nurse friends stopped by and lent support if needed. Which was great because I had no clue what I was doing anyway and preferred the previously mentioned excited role instead.
After a few more hours of hurry up and wait, Karen came in to check the progression again. This time was a little different. She told me and Kim it was now time for Kim to start pushing. First she paged Debbie to let her know Kim was starting. After two contractions of pushing Karen determined that Kim should wait until Debbie arrived before pushing any more. This was decided because after the two contractions, I had already seen that my son was going to be born with a rather full head of black hair. Once Debbie arrived, (ok, she literally ran from her office across the street to our delivery room,) Kim returned to the pushing at hand. This birthing scene was something that I could never have imagined. After two more contractions, for a total of four contractions pushing, my son was now with us on the “outside”.
For anyone that has not witnessed childbirth for themselves it is a truly interesting experience. It was interesting because to me childbirth was something that was just too amazing to be natural. Sure I had seen the birthing videos in our childbirth class, but they didn’t compare to actually seeing it first hand. How can someone carry another little person inside of them, and then bring that little person into this world without the assistance of a major hole being cut still amazes me to this day. It didn’t matter how it worked at that time because that little wrinkly, squirmy, fluid covered baby was finally taking his first breath and letting out his first scream. He let out a scream that any horror film director would be proud of. The piercing wail of a small child that has just gone from a warm cozy place they had been for nearly 40 weeks, to a cold room is a joyful thing. This was the first sign my son was ok and ready to be born.
After the initial scream Debbie offered me a pair of gold plated (insert fancy medical terminology for scissors here) to cut the umbilical cord. Now as a person that doesn’t tolerate blood, vomit, or any other kind of bodily fluid well, I had originally thought that I would not cut the cord. I was proud of myself for facing all the things I usually get squeamish about with no problem and decided, “why not”. The umbilical cord was much tougher and spongier than I thought it would be. I figured the cord would cut as easily as cutting the turkey at Thanksgiving, but it actually took a couple of minutes. The umbilical cord just kind of collapsed the first few times I closed the scissors without cutting into the cord. Then slowly but surely the fancy scissors and I won that battle. While Karen carried our son over to the scale, I remember leaning over and kissing Kim and saying something. I don’t remember exactly what it was but it was similar to thank you, congratulations, I am so proud of you and I love you.
Next Karen weighed the newborn baby. He came out to six pounds fifteen ounces. Karen then wrapped him in a delivery blanket. A little while later a nurse from the newborn nursery came down and performed an assessment of him. She measured my son’s length and head circumference with him screaming as loud as he could the entire time. For someone only an hour old, he definitely had a great set of lungs.
After the other nurse was all done with the measurements, he was brought back over to us. Kim got to hold him first. It only seemed fair; after all she did all the work. The first time I got to hold him was something I can’t describe. Here was someone I had met literally minutes ago, yet there is a love that is indescribable to anyone that hasn’t done this themselves. I got to hold him, kiss him and welcome him into our family.
Throughout this entire delivery we had been lucky enough to have an extra nurse in the room to take pictures for us. Just a friendly tip, always have someone unrelated in the room to take pictures. Otherwise very few would actually be taken. Without the camcorder piece that had gone missing, only about 10 minutes of the entire trip to the hospital was actually recorded on film, but at this point I didn’t care. My new little boy was blinking and was trying to take it all in.
Throughout the entire pregnancy Kim and I had decided we would tell everyone it was going to be a boy, but not let anybody know what his name would be. This was done to prevent the inevitable, “Oh, that’s interesting” or “I knew a kid named that, he was such a trouble maker” or any other possible comment that would prevent us from using the name. The fun part was everyone we knew putting forth their guess. One thing that we did share was that Rufino would be part of his name. Of course we left out the part about him having two middle names. My Filipino grandfather, Rufino, was 90 years old and very special to me. The one guess that comes to mind is the guess that came from my Mother-in-law and sister-in-law the day of my son’s birth. They had come up with Vincent Rufino; the Vincent came from my wife’s slight interest in a New Yorker going by the name Vin Diesel. So now that our son was born, it was time to release his name upon the world: Aiden Thomas Rufino. Aiden because Kim and I liked it and finally agreed on one name, Thomas is my middle name and my father’s name and Rufino my grandfather’s name.
Now when I woke up that morning I was certain that I was going to be one of the fathers that either passed out during the middle of the birth, jumped across the table to knock out the guy shoving the epidural needle up my wife’s back (although I still say the epidural was the best money we have ever spent), or the proud father/husband who is completely ecstatic to be in the room. Fortunately, it was the third option. I was so proud of what my wife had just accomplished for us, and will always be a proud Papa of my little man. About this time in the delivery process I was so ecstatic that I was probably ready to bounce off the walls. I went down to the area where I could use my cellular phone and proceeded to call every single person in my phone book. I wanted to share my excitement with the world.
Now that Aiden was born, it was time for more pictures. Once we had a few rolls of film polished off it was time to learn my first few lessons as a new parent. I learned that meconium (basically baby’s first poop that closely resembles tar) is nasty stuff, and trying to learn the best way to avoid the “watering” when changing a diaper. Fortunately, I did learn how not to get peed on when changing a diaper, and still hold the record in the family for longest time gone without getting peed on (16 months and counting).
Throughout that entire day I could not have been in a better place. I was able to share one of this world’s greatest experiences with my wife, and help her welcome our new son into this world with open and loving arms.
As I look back on that day now I realize that no matter how much anxiety I had, concern about the missing camcorder piece, insecurities about whether or not I would be fit to be a parent, and worried about the massive change in my lifestyle I realize I wouldn’t change it for the world. I have loved every minute Aiden has been with us, no matter how easy or difficult it has been. Aiden has now settled down on the floor in the living room to watch “Dora the Explorer”. He now says Dada pretty regularly; I just got him to start saying Papa a few days ago and prefer he call me Papa. His first word was Mama, and I know after being in the room during his birth that any child’s first word should be Mama. After all Aiden’s Mama amazed me throughout the entire pregnancy, all day long on the day of his birth, and every day since Aiden came home with us.
